I googled myself and then THIS happened...

So I'm not a massively needy writer. Subscribers to my blog will know that I can go days, weeks, perhaps even years without popping a post up here. I don't feel the need to shove Charlie Boucher under the nose of the internet on a regular basis. I generally think that the people who will like what I write will find me. Eventually. One way or another.

And so I don't pop my own name into Google very often. When I have done this in the past I've been pleasantly distracted by the adventures of a Native North American chief, who may or may not have broken the law.

But today was different. Today I typed in Charlie Boucher, and found myself. Not in a philosophical fashion, but in a very real "Hey that's me!" way.

Google decided to reward my patience first with some Charlie Boucher Facebook profiles. I had a little scroll through them;

There's a man in a cowboy hat.
One of the Charlie Bouchers listens to Radio One Lebanon.
Another one lives in New Brunswick.
One of them has studied Culinary Arts whilst another was a student of Biotechnology.

I conclude that we Charlies are a diverse bunch.

Next I am given a link to some LinkedIn profiles.

There's a Charles who happens to be a Risk Manager in Switzerland.
Charles-Jean is a freelance creative. That's more like it.
Another Charles is a vet in Kingston upon Thames, which is nice.
There's a Charlie I think I actually worked with briefly. He's in IT in the US.

There are nine pages of these people. I can't be bothered to look through all of them to find our common traits, since I am pretty sure that our only common trait is our name, and that this is a pointless exercise that I am only indulging in to give myself something to blog about.

Third on the Google page is a blade showing some images for Charlie Boucher. Neither I or my book are amongst them, which makes me say "tsk" out loud. No-one pays any attention, because those nearby are either focusing on their newly purchased scratch cards or a frantic game of Super Mario Maker.

The next two links are definitely me - my social media presence on both LinkedIn and Twitter. I use them about as frequently as I post to this blog. I am nothing if not consistent in my inconsistencies.

Then there is this. This isn't me.

This is a man who is 29 from South Africa. His 32 second video has been viewed 365 times.

"My Dead Buddy (Part 1)" has been viewed 963 times, I'm happy to tell you. It has been given two thumbs up and one thumbs down.
Part 2 has only been watched 314 times, which strikes me as strangely mental. Apparently the first six minutes are not leaving many people with the insatiable desire to find out what happens next. I am somewhat pained by this.

Next Google tells me that I have a Behance account with no projects inside it. Good to know.

After this we are back on solid "someone else" ground. Sir Charles-Eugène-Napoléon Boucher de Boucherville gets a listing, then Charles Allen Boucher, MD, makes an appearance.

After this there's a letter about Literature National Winners, which is not by me, or about me. This makes me a bit sad, since I am a Lloyds Bank Channel 4 Film Challenge winner, and this is rudely missing from what Google finds relevant when you ask it about Charlie Boucher.

Goddam the internet.

After this there's Charlie Rosewarne, advising you to check me out, and then there's actually me, telling the world that I've written 500 words about sex*. I don't remember doing this and assume it must be rubbish. Sex isn't a thing I write about.

And that is page one of the Google results. I have found more of me than I expected, but also less. Other than a wincing redirect to a forgotten short short story, there is nothing that Google can tell me that I didn't know. There are no secrets about me lurking in the dusty cobwebbed corners of the world wide web - or if there are they are not available to Google's clever little spiders right now. This isn't exactly what I'd choose for people to see when they Google my name, but at least a smidgen of me is available. And let's face it - "Charlie Boucher" is not a thing that people will Google particularly often.  Not unless they share my name and then, I'm afraid, they're probably going to be a bit disappointed with the results.

*I have re-visited these 500 words. They are rubbish.